He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
