Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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