he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
