your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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