Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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