People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
