his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
