People with herpes should wear stickers.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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