Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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