My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
