I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
