Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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