Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
