and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
