Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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