If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
