There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
