also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
