Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
