Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
