Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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