If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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