Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
