dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
