I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
