i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
