Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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