did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
