Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
