wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
