i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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