I love black thongs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
