I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
