I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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