you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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