lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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