Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
