Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
