yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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