that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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