naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
