OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
