At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
