ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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