i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
