I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
