um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
