soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
