I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Your dad touched me again.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
