does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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