you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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