paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
