After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
