All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
