We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
