remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What happened to fro yo and sex?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
