hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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