with your own penis?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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